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Lately, I have been feeling a little dumb.  That’s actually an understatement: I’ve been feeling as though I am kind of an idiot.  There’s a lot of reasons for it that I won’t go into here but let’s just say that I’ve been in the head space lately where it continually surprises me that I have managed to not wander into traffic or electrocute myself while trying to get something out of the toaster with a fork.

So tonight I decided to see just how stupid I am by doing something I’ve never done before… take a bunch of those online IQ tests.

The first one was all about spatial reasoning; it shows a sequence of patterns and then you have to figure out what the next, most logical pattern is.  You can see if for yourself here.  It’s free and doesn’t require that you put in your personal information or give an email address.

I scored a 71 on it.  According to that most trusted, accurate, and completely unassailable of resources, Wikipedia, 71 means that I am “low borderline,” or basically just a couple of points above being considered mentally handicapped.

Best two out of three?

I went on to the next one, which was all logic questions and includes a timer, supposedly, that penalizes you if you take too long.  Some involved grammar, others math.  For instance, “True or False: Nine chickens, two dogs, and three cats have a total of forty legs.”  It’s also free but does require that you give out your email address.  I gave the one that I always use for stupid stuff like this that I never check, so really… how dumb can I be?

On this test I scored 133, which basically means that I am a super genius and all of you should bow down and worship me as the god I very obviously am.

Feeling that to be completely scientific and accurate – because you can be completely scientific and accurate by taking random online IQ tests… no, really – I took a third one, which was a mix of the shape tests, word problems, math, and more.  Here’s one particularly complicated question: “Alice has seven times the amount of pens that Maurice has. Paul has two-thirds of the amount of pens as Alice and Suzy have combined. Dawn has a dozen more pens than Paul. Suzy has half the pens that Maurice has. If Suzy has 2 pens, how many does Dawn have?”

On this one I scored 124, which makes me close to a super genius but not quite there.  The super geniuses wouldn’t let me sit at their table in the cafeteria but some of them might still talk to me if the others weren’t around.

What does all of this mean? Nothing. I still feel like an idiot most of the time so if you see me wandering around near traffic, gently guide me away from the street, would you? Thanks.